Parkinson’s, Conscious Breath, and Mantra

Inner experiences are difficult to articulate clearly and precisely, even when one has been oriented in that realm for a long time. I hope my attempts to describe them are not in vain.

Nothing could have prepared me for the inner spiritual experiences occurring since my Parkinson's diagnosis.

This situation is taking me to a whole new level. I am continually being challenged to let go of attachment to who I am. My identified states are pushed to the limits and in order to move forward, I have no choice but to let go and just be.

This means feeling my worthiness and experiencing joy despite severe interruption to my work as founder of this school, as a sound healer and professional pianist, as a family member, as a partner, Mom, and grandmother, as a good friend, and a contributing member of society. All of that attachment has to go out the window as I am faced with the challenge of my own mind’s idea of how things should be.

I cannot fight what is, so my life these days is acceptance on a minute by minute basis…and that has its extraordinary benefits.

In fact, I could not have asked for anything more profound than what is happening to me at this time. I am at a stage in the healing process where the zen of it all is accelerating. The constant reminders and challenges together with 3 years of processing fear and other delusions of the mind have produced strength and courage.

I am less and less concerned with symptoms (their flare ups or disappearance) and my progress on the road to recovery. You see, I cannot be attached to that either. I have quit evaluating whether I am better or not today, and therein lies the true freedom. When I really don’t care, I am free.

This doesn't stop me from being proactive. I still do all of my meditation, sound vibration healing, and detox protocol. I still get daily exercise and have my consistent practice of medical Qi gong. As I become free, my Soul is no longer running the Parkinson's program but my body has to catch up.

Every thought that concerns itself with my progress or my identity or with what's going right or wrong is replaced with breath… Conscious breath.

With conscious breath, meaning I am aware that I am aware of this breath, my busy mind is calmed. I feel the sensation of breathing, air passing through my nostrils and into my lungs…and back out again. Something is left behind within me, a finer substance that I have received that remains in my Being. This is a kind of food, and a way of transformation for anyone, sick or not.

The frequency with which this breath is happening is setting me free.

Mantra + Conscious Breath = Healing

These days with PD I persist in orienting myself around my conscious breath, like I've done for the previous 25 years. If I find myself ruminating in the least bit I turn to my conscious breath, more than often now accompanied by an inner mantra that states "I am strong, I am loved, I am healed." This was my original mantra in the beginning of my Parkinson’s diagnosis and I have cycled through several mantras over the last 3 1/2 years but they are always with me and help me orient my ship toward a full recovery.

I have been practicing mantra since my early zen years in a dojo in Paris. (You can read about some of that experience in my blog, Opening Our Hearts.) This was initially to calm my mind during meditation, but 6 years later, I moved from that to the Sufi practice of taking conscious breaths anywhere, any time with the inner mantra Allah.

I have been very selective about with whom I share this practice.

The mantras which spontaneously emerged with Parkinson's dealt with different stages of healing and my level of acceptance. They are still always happening daily, hourly, minute-by-minute, and in rhythm to every step I take. Once I’ve practiced one for many months it becomes embedded in my heart and in my belief on a level that I cannot describe. It is true that the beginning of a new mantra has less depth. Something evolves with the meaning and the understanding over time.

They have felt like repetitive affirmations at times, but when they take root, they quickly become true belief in my being. When they are recited at this level, they are felt, thought, and experienced as truth.

As things began to change or came into question, a new mantra would emerge or would be given to me by my Parkinson’s coach Howard Shiffke. I would feel doubt about whether the whole thing was working and I was given this particularly strong mantra: "I believe in my full recovery from Parkinson's. I am worthy of a full recovery from Parkinson's. I am grateful for my full recovery from Parkinson's.”

Those statements are truth to me now.

Between mantra and conscious breath, I have found a pathway.

It is the practice of conscious breathing that prepared me for dealing with PD, and not only increased the potency of any mantra I have practiced, but also changed the alchemy of my Being.

Not only is habitual thinking interrupted through this practice, but the nervous system is rewired so the body begins to respond to an environment of decreased cortisol and adrenaline. Through conscious breath, my awareness is able to perceive the conditioning that permeates my being. Those thoughts of fear or anxiety about PD are interrupted and dissipated by my ability to be present and observe.

With the onset of Parkinson's, my body was wracked with tension, anxiety and insomnia. I began to replace those thoughts, feelings, and experiences with conscious breath and mantra which, after three years, have tipped the scales considerably. My persistent effort has transformed my mind, my heart, and my body.

It has become ceaseless prayer.

I am quiet and at peace, and in this way, my body is readjusting, recalibrating, and healing.

The journey has been disciplined, but has also allowed my body, heart, mind and soul to be absorbed into the healing field of consciousness. I no longer live in the world of fear and doubt, even if some symptoms worsen. As I said, the day-to-day tracking is over because I am engulfed in what I can only say is my own realized healing.

Describing this inner experience requires me to speak of things beyond trust, faith, and belief. It is actually being the healing on every level and truly feels actualized.

Every breath I take. Every mantra I speak.

Any discouragement I feel, it passes quickly like a cloud on a windy day. The newly alchemized environment doesn’t give it any energy.

Another time I will write about the specific mantras I have used that spawned from deeply mystical experiences with Ascended Masters with whom I have worked to facilitate other people’s healing. They have come to me in my time of need.

I will, however, leave you with a mantra that has served me well over the past 2 years:

I am abundant health. I am allowed to be abundantly healthy.
I am joy. I am allowed to be joyful.
I am gratitude. I am allowed to be grateful.
I am love. I am allowed to be loved.
I am happiness. I am allowed to be happy.
I am forgiveness. I am allowed to forgive and be forgiven.
I am compassion. I am allowed to be compassionate with myself and others.

Molly Knight Forde is the founder of the Awareness School and author of Be Present: Reflections On The Way.

If you are interested in her journey with Parkinson’s, you can find all related blogs under that heading by clicking here; her first explanatory post was in January 2024. 

You can become a member of the Awareness School anytime. Click here for more information: https://www.awarenessschool.com/memberships