Parkinson’s Perspective: When Less Is More

As my life with Parkinson’s becomes streamlined, I find my attitudes, thoughts and concerns giving way to perpetual awareness. Hopefully, I can describe the slow metamorphosis from terror into peace in a way that elucidates how the daily struggle has turned into the zen of Parkinson’s.

I am not the same person I was three years ago when diagnosed with what has been deemed a progressively degenerative and incurable disease. I learned early on that there are people who have cured themselves of Parkinson’s and am of the opinion that if one person has done it, then so can I. This put me on a different trajectory than the mainstream approach and typical protocol for “managing” the condition.

I decided not to take the medication that addresses symptoms for two main reasons: firstly, I needed to track the increase and decrease of symptoms over time, not mask them; and secondly, I did not want to deal with side effects, namely tremors, muscle stiffness, dyskinesia (repetitive jerky movements), “on and off cycles” (peaks and valleys of high vs low functioning, related to dopamine presence), mood swings, psychosis, and intense nightly sleep disruption.

Most people believe that this list is a list of Parkinson’s symptoms because, as I have written many times before, 99% of people with PD are on dopamine. No tests or research has been done on patients who do not take dopamine. If they do have a test group “sans dopa”, it is generally on a temporary basis and rife with withdrawal symptoms that are even worse than the side effects.

This simply sets the scene in which I roam the jungle of Parkinson’s without meds, along with a small global contingent of people. These are people who may look worse in the short run but are looking for a cure as the endgame. We are willing to forgo trying to sustain the life we had prior to having PD (which probably helped develop the disease in the first place) and face a new life of balance. We are addressing the cause rather than masking symptoms, following what the people who have fully recovered have done.

I know I’ve explained before what my approach to Parkinson’s is, but I feel it’s important to reiterate why experiencing my symptoms has been instrumental in my increased understanding of perpetual awareness, bringing oneself to wholeness, and the zen of it all.

The battle toward healing is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

For someone well versed in the practice of attention, awareness and presence, I am humbled in the face of this fight. Nothing in my life can compare to the transformation I am experiencing at this time. There is a gentle wave of healing, almost imperceptible, that is evolving amongst the ups and downs, the faith and the doubts, the physical restoration and the setbacks, the hope and despair. These are no longer mountains to climb, but small waves to surf. They have become minor disturbances that roll by.

I say my life is streamlined because I can now read those waves of symptoms and know not only what my body needs, but my heart and my soul as well. It is a complete package. If I can recognize, in a present moment, my attached and identified self which wants things to be different or “normal”, it releases that attachment. The mental and emotional realm become an integral part of the healing. 

This practice is available to anyone, but what has brought a heightened level of awareness and presence of the moment for me is, precisely, the Parkinson’s – and its gnarly symptoms which affect habitual actions and tasks we all take for granted.

I am zeroed in on what would be the minutia of life for the ordinary person: the turning of a doorknob, the ascent of stairs, finding a sleeve behind my back, keeping food on a fork from bowl to mouth. I am becoming more thoroughly dialed in, not expecting anything else but being…and I am right there…aware of my awareness, untainted by the desire for something else or something more…and this is setting me free.

As the months go by, I am less and less distraught and more at peace with it all.

This is when less is more. The need to make meaning of my worth by how much I can do, what I can accomplish, or how well I achieve, is unraveling the knots of my life. This persistent drive is what brought on the condition in the first place; even the urge to fill every space with “healing protocol” is part of that desire to achieve. The more I let go of it and totally accept the disease, the better I get.

I am witnessing myself let go in slow motion. Experiencing that level of pure acceptance is not failure to vanquish the foe, nor succumbing to the disease, but stepping into a new life and the mystery it promises. The scale of negativity and frustration has given way to gratitude and joy. Symptoms are fading to the background and dropping away.

As I zoom in on less, and remain attentive to simple things, doing more becomes whole-heartedly irrelevant and rooted in a time-space continuum of egoic life. Reality shifts to the vivid life within and around me in union with something of a divine nature. It is the spark of human nature that one first desires, then tends, until true contact is made. It is as if I am again connected to my origin and the inner life and outer life have become one with an Eternal Wisdom.

I watch people speeding by, stressed out and in a hurry, tied up in knots of dissatisfaction, fearful, frenetic and feeling the weight of the world (and they don’t even have PD), and see that I have exited that highway. I feel disengaged from the false sense of urgency in which our daily lives are rooted. I no longer care if I am winning the race. I am happy in the slow lane where less is profoundly more – and I thank Parkinson's for that.

Molly Knight Forde is the founder of the Awareness School and author of Be Present: Reflections On The Way.

If you are interested in her journey with Parkinson’s, you can find all related blogs under that heading by clicking here; her first explanatory post was in January 2024.

You can become a member of the Awareness School anytime. Click here for more information: https://www.awarenessschool.com/memberships