Personal Transformation and the Korean BBQ

Happy New Year to all!

Sean and I spent a lovely two weeks on vacation doing mostly nothing but reading, walking, cooking and sleeping, except for 6 days in L.A. to visit our daughter for Christmas. That became a whirlwind of shadowing a working musician during the holiday season. I felt the familiarity of my own life as a professional musician and the abundance this time of year brings.

As devoted groupies, Sean and I reaped the benefits, from extravagant brunches to a stay in an exquisite Montecito hotel.

The change of scenery was a welcome break from my simple life nowadays in Seattle as I watch my recovery from Parkinson’s unfurl before my very eyes. I make sure I do not measure this recovery in terms of what I can and cannot do, but by how free I am from the distress of the revolving door of symptoms that cycle through.

As long-term symptoms disappear, new ones crop up. This might cast doubt for some folks as to the possibility of recovery, but for me, it is proof that my protocol is working. I can observe symptoms because I don’t take any meds – unlike 99.9% of people with P.D. For the first year of my diagnosis, I had severe shoulder pain, interrupted sleep patterns, constipation, poor nutrient absorption, loss of smell, muscle rigidity and tremors, to name a few symptoms. All have been resolved for at least a year now, except the tremor, which is slowly disappearing.

Achieving freedom from distress is an entirely different journey, one centered on cultivating acceptance, trust, presence, and a positive attitude. I have been developing these qualities on a truly grand scale, especially when compared to my life before my P.D. The nature of this disease is inherently stress-inducing. This is not only due to challenges with routine daily activities — such as dressing, eating, or folding laundry — but also challenges with social interactions and navigating environments involving groups, noise, chaos, travel, and crowds.

With almost three years since my diagnosis, I can say that this trip proved to me that I have come a long way, baby! 😀 My resilience rang true, except for a few incidents. I survived holiday travel, an accelerated pace, close living quarters with multiple people over a week’s period, one trip to Best Buy and Target, two dinner parties, many restaurants and walking in a tumultuous downpour. This has required developing a high level of acceptance; merging my inner world with the outer reality. 

When the contradiction between my expectations and the facts has been eradicated, I move through life gracefully, easing any distress as it arises. This grace is available to anyone, in any challenge, if they’re willing to do the work of acceptance. 

My predicament has dramatically emphasized this for me. I am given the minute-by-minute boldface opportunity to work with acceptance to become free. The exceptions recharge my aim and remind me that healing and transformation are a journey and never happen in a single miraculous moment.

I mention all of this because the exceptions stand out vividly, revealing what used to be the norm.

Which brings me to the Korean BBQ…

One of our outings was a dinner in Koreatown to experience the famous Korean BBQ. Each table has a propane grill where the meat of choice is prepared. This raw meat comes with a cornucopia of sides from kimchi to spicy bean paste and beyond. I am expecting Beni Hanna himself who, by the way, is not a person, to appear at any moment.

Our waiter helps with starting the meat but leaves and we are unsure if we are to finish, so my daughter starts stirring and flipping our various cuts from combo #2. I begin to feel the overwhelm of assembling the tasty bowl I want to make with rice, pickled items, paste, and kimchi. Everyone lets me know that’s not how it’s done and to eat it separately, but this is not how I remember eating Korean food I’ve had before.

For no explicable reason, I go into an interior tailspin about not having the sovereignty to make my meal the way I see fit. 

The meat is getting over-cooked. The chopsticks are out of the question. I can’t cut a thing, so Sean tries to cut with a chopstick and gets juice all over my nice white shirt. I can’t adjust the banquet to the “grill table” so everything I pick up with my newly acquired fork has a 50/50 chance of getting in my mouth. The more I try to coordinate my hands, the more my legs become stiff with pain.

Negativity is now oozing out of me from every direction. My struggle is real and takes ultra concentration, so I can no longer engage in the stimulating conversation happening around me. This takes me to the dark isolation of self-pity that starts to poison everyone at the table. My inner world devolves into a whirlwind of fear and self-consciousness. This is not how things should be…but they are. 

I remain less evolved than ever – until something hits me and I am able to laugh.

This is the Grace of God shining upon me and reminding me that I am getting the food in my mouth, albeit slowly, and that I am surrounded by people who love me dearly. “Don’t waste this precious moment you have with them.”

A new struggle begins and I am able to stabilize myself enough to engage and connect. The negativity and stress dissipate.

Three years ago, I was mired in negativity and self-pity an estimated 75% of the time. Now, these states are few and far between. 

I have been a prisoner of fear and doubt most of my waking life. I see how far I have come and how free I am from the gloom of a diagnosis which 99.9% of the population believes is hopelessly degenerative and incurable. 

My faith and acceptance is integral to the cure.

In this coming year, I wish for all of us to find acceptance within ourselves. It is personal transformation at its finest where the inner state matches the outer facts. This is how we find freedom from “what should be” and dissipate the resistance to what is in front of us. We take responsibility instead of projecting and blaming. We feel. We melt. We are humble. We take action.

If we can weather our personal storms well, we contribute toward solutions for the collective storms ahead. In the face of severe challenges, we can connect and act from our conscience for the sake of us all. 

Blessings to you in 2026.

Molly Knight Forde is the founder of the Awareness School and author of Be Present: Reflections Along The Way.

If you are interested in meditation and practices of presence consider taking the Practical Awareness 10-Module Course offered yearly. For information or current registration, visit: https://www.awarenessschool.com/practical-awareness-2

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